There’s always one.
You’ve barely sat down, the gravy is still making its way around the table, and someone leans in with the question you’ve been dreading since October.
You know the one. And you know the answer that’s sitting right on the tip of your tongue, too.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the words we use when conversations get hard. It’s what my next book, Say What You Mean, Don’t Say It Mean, is all about. And honestly, the holidays are the final exam. So here are a few of the classics: what you want to say, and what to say instead.
“So… are you seeing anyone?”
What you want to say: “Yes. Netflix. And it’s getting serious.”
What to actually say: “Not right now. How’s your year been?”
It’s short, it’s true, and it hands the conversation right back.
“You look tired.”
What you want to say: “Thank you. I’ve been working on this look for about 2 years.”
What to actually say: “It’s been a full year. How are you holding up?”
You don’t have to defend your face. Just answer the question underneath it.
“Can you host next year? You have the space.”
What you want to say: “I also have 3 locks on my door.”
What to actually say: “I can’t host next year, but I’d love to bring dessert.”
That’s a clear no, plus a yes to something you can actually do. No long explanation needed.
When the conversation turns into a debate you didn’t sign up for
What you want to say: “Pass the stuffing, and take your opinions with it.”
What to actually say: “I’m going to sit this one out. Who wants coffee?”
You don’t owe anyone a debate. You can leave the conversation without leaving the table.
“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Colossians 4:6 (NIV)
Before the season gets going, a gentle reminder: kind isn’t the same as quiet, and firm isn’t the same as harsh. You can protect your peace and still be the warmest person at the table.
If you’d like more words for the hard conversations with friends, family, exes, work or church, I put together 10 free scripts you can use right away.
Wishing you a peaceful, grace-filled holiday. And save me some dessert.
Godspeed,
Tina
